FAA Shocked They Made Lead Story Of This Week's Onion Review

The Onion
The Centers for Disease Contraction urges Americans to suck doorknobs, a suburban mom wows her family with her most androgynous look yet, and a Red Sox fan dedicates the garbage can he is lighting on fire to the Boston Marathon victims. It's the week of November 1, 2013.
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Laid-Off Man Finally Achieves Perfect Work-Life Balance
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Onion Year In Review
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The Onion's Tips For Decorating A Christmas Tree
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Race For Oscar Heats Up As Tom Hanks Traps Robert Redford In Cellar
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Slow-Witted Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Government Behind NASA
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Bloomberg Defends NYPD’s Controversial Stop And Kiss Program
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U.S. Continues Dependence On Foreign Toil
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Helpless Typhoon Articles Cling To Life On Edge Of Reader's Consciousness
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Man Doesn’t Know How Parents Ever Going To Pay Off Massive Student Loan Debt
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The Onion Reviews 'The Hunger Games: Catching Fire'
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Excerpt From Buddhist Extremist Video Threat
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Kammaṭṭhāna's video
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1:09
Christina Aguilera Tour Canceled Due To Fan Exhaustion
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1:27
The Onion's Tips For Succeeding As A Woman In The Workplace
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Area Man Lacks Star Power Necessary To Carry Major Motion Picture
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Woman Unaware She's Only Person On Acid At James Taylor Concert
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Twitter IPO Price Drops After Investors Realize It Means Partly Owning Jeremy's Feed
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Report: American People Lead World In Compressing Big Sandwiches So They’re Bitable
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1:42
Hollywood's Biggest Stars Rally To Save Their Children
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1:18
Grievances Brought Up With Powerless Supervisor
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Celebs Rally For Good Cause With 'Save Our Children' Campaign
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The Onion's Tips For Fall Fashion
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2:55
Mom’s Head Rotates Demonically After Passing Sign For Antique Wicker Furniture
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2:55
FAA Shocked They Made Lead Story Of This Week's Onion Review
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3:40
The Onion Looks Back At 'The Shining'
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0:59
Wes Anderson Reteams With Favorite Objects For 'Grand Budapest Hotel'
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1:20
CEO Worked Way Up From Son Of CEO
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2:25
Anonymous Source Tells Reporters That He’s Tired Of Being Speaker Of The House
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2:26
The Onion Reviews '12 Years A Slave'
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0:57
Child Sees No Reason Why Iron Man Costume Can't Be Worn To Grandfather’s Funeral
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